Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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