i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
