New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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