You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
