the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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