Small penises have feelings too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
