pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
