I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
