im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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