Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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