I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
