all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
