lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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