whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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