A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
