Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
