ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I checked into jail on foursquare
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
