i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
