if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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