I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
