i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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