hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
