she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
