I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
