My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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