How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
