You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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