dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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