just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
