Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
