let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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