she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
