I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
