Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
