my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
