I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
