I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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