community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
