He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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