I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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