Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
