I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
