it was like eating out sand paper
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
