Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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