I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
