My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
