i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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