After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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