Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize