That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sext me about skeletons
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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