K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
