i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
