And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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