Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
