The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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