Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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