yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
