I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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