If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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